Wednesday, October 12, 2005

European plan

"You guys'd be speakin' German right now if we didn't save your a** in the war."

You'd be surprised how many times I've heard that from different people since living in jolly old America. My reply to that is - "If it wasn't for us - you guys wouldn't be speaking English in the first place." Anyway. My Dad emailed this to me. I thought it was too good to pass up.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Heath Casey said...

Lustige Anmerkung an der ersten. Aber passen Sie, der Deutsche steigt wieder, mit Hilfe Neville Chamberlains auf. Auch wußten Sie, wenn es nicht für die Vereinigten Staaten war, die Sie Deutsches sprechen würden.

8:12 AM  
Blogger Andy Michael said...

If I am translating this right - this is what Heath said...

Merry note on first. But you, the German fit ascend again, with the help of Neville Chamberlains. Also you knew, if it were not for the United States, which would speak you German.

8:26 AM  
Anonymous Herr Hovy said...

Tak hed, zu whos nam iz aber dung, vor zu vil val unta ein zpedink shariot!

Wenn Sie ein Verlangen haben starkes Reden eine schöne Sprache, die alle genügen können, also ich mir erlaube vorzuschlagen, daß Sie eine schöne wahre Sprache als Italienisch wählten. Wenn gelernt Ihre brûlées zu rollen dann eh zu allem hinzufügt Sie sprechen eine wahre Sprache von amore.

Beholt, zo chalt ze yur pomgranats vither, zu hu ar ein byvort vor dummkopfnes!

12:12 PM  

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